I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
