dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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