all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
