I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize