I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
