You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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