if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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