how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
