also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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