We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
