I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
