is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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