Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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