can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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