If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
These tits shall not be calmed
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
