Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
this just has baby written all over it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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