i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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