You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Be still, my beating vagina.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
