when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
is that a dick in a sweater?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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