Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
