thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
