Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
