Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
