i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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