I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
