She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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