You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Randomize