I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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