R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize