We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
