I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We left the knife in your bed.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Idk if I want to put a bra on
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
