walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
