she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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