New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Randomize
