My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
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