When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize