I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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