After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
