woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
