I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
