I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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