There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
