Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
