if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize