Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
