She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I've blown a few things in my day
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
