According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
love makes seman taste better
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
