he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
