I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
cat food counts as protein by the way
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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