Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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