Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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