Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
