i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
