she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
