so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'm both gender and math confused
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