I just saw a hot homeless man
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
