i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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