you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
