I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
