i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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