Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
