I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
