Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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