apparently the secret to your success is patron
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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