I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
