Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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