There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
