If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
