I can't breathe out the right side of my face
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got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
you made out with another girl for some wings
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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