Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
