Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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