I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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