we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
