If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
