pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
