Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
