she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
