so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
NoShamevember. You game?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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