mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
they need to just BURY HIM!
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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