birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
