Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I supernannyed him into submission
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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