Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
