oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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