Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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