I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
