it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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