fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
