His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize