It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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