the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize