True but thats because hes a fetus.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
A+ Viking dick
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
