A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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