My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Randomize
