I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
