Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
