His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
