I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize