Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
