so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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