No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
