hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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