Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
