Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
