We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
