grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
