I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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