He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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