I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
