You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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