meet me or not, i'm out of control
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
