Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
