I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
