I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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