ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
