need another drink. this is the easiest way
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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