Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
