she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
